Poem 1

as the trees whisper their sweet melody

I can but only hold my breath sadly

watching, more than any can bear

a single tear drops through the air

a single drop falling to the sea

and thats all that we will ever be

an ant, a mite or possibly a fly

but that is not the reason I ask why

If life endures, when all else is gone

to whom does It matter our reincarnation

Oh my, why does this have to be so

why is it, now we understand what goes

on between the sky and the earth

it is not what it seems, it is not birth

yes birth is a part of the coming and going

but to what end is this show we are showing

in the eyes of the old, many truths can be found

but a babes first breath holds what we seek now

the light that comes with a child's smile

is not something found in a aisle.

in a single gaze from loves fair eyes

many are all but hypnotised

but when true love and light aligned

where is the difference for the blind

in the darkness all is but sound,

and touch and taste are all thats found

what does it matter if love is fair

for looks a blind man does not care

Adjust

It takes time to adjust to any new situation. For myself, these last 3 months have been transitional and hard to fathom at times. But proceed in life I must, as must we all. At time I wonder if I have lost my way
It is then I realize that it is not that I have lost myself, more that I have opened up a different, untouched compartment that I wasn't quite sure was there before I began this journey.
Finding it was as if I was being told,  "here, here is your chance to grow, take it in any direction you want," So I took it, and ran with it!
Some have accused me of running away from my problems, which is partly true, but I also believe that without this change, this upheaval, I would not have grown, that I would have become stagnant.
I was at a point in my life where I had gain all I could, where I was. The next logical step was to move on, to find another avenue to grow as a person. I believe that as people, we are constantly growing. In body, mind and in spirit. For me, it was time to spread my wings.
So now, in reflection, I have lost, but I have gain double that which I have left behind.

Going Bush??

So... I went for a job interview today. It went really well, but here's the thing, it means that I have to go bush for it. Literally I will have to travel to the Australian Outback to work with kids on stations. I know right! Great opportunity! And a great experience. My gut is telling me to go for it! But my head is another matter. I mean, I just got here, living with my partner finally! I love it here! I'm happier than i have ever been before. This is going to be a confusing time, until I find out if they want me for the job or not. 

Then I will have to decide. 

The boy says he is OK with it, but I'm not sure. Or am I. I really want this. Every part of me is excited about the adventure this job would be bring. The only draw back are the travel and the time away from the boy. Its only 2 weeks away at a time, but then I don't know how long between one place and the next. I guess these are questions I need to ask.
But I really do hope I have to opportunity to try this...

Life on the couch

As the title shows, I have been living most of my life on the couch these last two weeks. Its not just because I'm lazy (which I am, and will admit to without hesitation) I have actually just had my gall bladder out. I was in hospital for a week, fasting... Now I am a lady who loves her food. I was starving! It was a long 6 days let me tell you! But after trying to eat and reduced to the fetal position because of the intense pain, the doctor decided it would just be better to remove it. 

But after being let out a week ago, and spending the end of last with my parents down, I actually am starting to feel human again. Thus the decision to get on with life, and sit on the couch and write a blog! But I did go to the pool tonight with my partners mum lets call her J. I feel better actually, getting moving has given me more energy. So what did I do? Sat on the couch of course! No I'm not that bad, I did end up back on the couch, but it turns out, all that movement and stretching stirred something up. I was sore before hand but afterwards... ouch is all i can say.

I should probably explain that over the Christmas holidays I moved in with my partner. So I now live a state away from all my family, friends and well just about everyone I know! But I seriously would not change a thing. I am the happiest (apart from being so sick) I have been in a hell of a long time. I know it will take time, but I will make friends. And as for family, I saw my parents last week, which was amazing, but I do miss my niece. It has been strange. I went from spending everyday of her life with her. to hours away. I do miss my brothers and sisters-in-law. But we still speak often. Especially this last week. I have also been writing letters to my Nana. Its brilliant to receive and send letters in the mail.  

But, my week on the couch has not been unproductive. I have recently discovered the wonders of Doctor Who. It is possibly the most amazing television production to come out of England. Well the most amazing one I have seen so far. Now I haven't seen the originals but the new series are fantastic. I am still not used to Matt Smith as the Doctor but I loove Amy. I think that she is brilliant. I have seen up to the end of 5th season, and J has the 7th season recorded, but at the moment.... no 6th season. :( 

Couch time has also shown me how much I am nerdy gamer girl. Is it sad that right now I am extremely excited that I am waiting for my new Nintendo DSI? Its bright pink! I LOVE IT! Well I will. I know I will. I have been loving playing Pokemon. Im on Diamond at the moment, but it has shown me why I never really like Pokemon... I do love Mario, and Donkey Kong though. I have been on the Wii as well. Playing a hell of a lot of Guitar Hero. 

All this gaming is bad sometimes. I get so caught up in the game that I lose track of time and end up spending hours playing!. That is why I have decided I need to take up a sport. I used to play basketball so I think I will find a new team here. I'm looking forward to it to be honest. I cant wait to extend my body again. I am getting bored with this couch.

So no more life on the couch!!

Sort of Figured

I have been so... In control lately. It has been so long since I did a post i thought it was about time.
 A hell of a lot has changed. Firstly. I got into University. I was doing a Diploma of Popular Music and Performance. But in the last week and a half that has gone down the drain. Hey what can I say! Situation change. I have found my self doing a heap of changing recently. I had fun and learned a lot, but when it is time to move on, it is time to move on.

I have also found the most amazing man ever. Who would have thought he was right in front of me all along? An old friend of the family. His father set my parents up.
I have never felt this way before. He makes me feel whole, and alive. Like the rest of my life is just a footstep away. I can see my future unfolding in front of me. For the first time in my life I can see where I have to go next to achieve. It is an amazing feeling. One that I don't plan on letting go of easily.

I just got back from spending the week with my boyfriend in his home town. Which happens to be approximately 1153.76kms away, or 14 hours and 16 mins. Long distance relationships can work. We are testament to that. Anyway, the week I spent there was absolutely amazing. I finally met some of his closest friends, who informed me they were scared of me... I couldn't have laughed harder! I truly do not know what he has been telling them for them to be afraid of me! I am probably the least scary person I know!! But we also made some plans. Including my relocation to a closer destination. In simpler terms, we are moving in together. And now that I write it like that, it has become daunting! But no, this is the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with, so in all honesty, I am more excited than anything else.

So I have all intents to write all the time. But the reality of it is. I write when I feel the need to, and that, is not a thing I plan on changing anytime soon

Love and Light

Kaitlin

Finally I am able to blog from my phone, this will make my blog life so much easier. Now I have every thing at my fingertips!!! This is just a short one, just testing my phones blogging capabilities seems good enough to me!!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Back Again

I have been spending a lot of time thinking lately. About where i want to be in the next few years, like what i want to have achieved. And to tell the absolute truth, I have no idea. I have lots of options, but nothing seems attainable. It like every think is just out of my reach. This might be because I am the type of person that like instantaneous gratification, or because i just cant see my self becoming more than i am.

I don't see how some one like me, who, all their life has been told that they are no more than mediocre, can become more than just another name in a phone book. I want to be recognized and known, but i don't know if i have the self esteem and or talent to get myself anywhere.

I was always 2nd or 3rd, and never as good as my brother. He is the prodigy child, the one every goes, WOW! about. I'm just average old me, trying my best but never achieving as high as he did. He never did anything that was so wrong that it out did what he was amazing at. Don't get me wrong I love him and all, but sometimes I wish that it was me people were in awe of. Or at least patting on the back.

But maybe one day i will be who i see my self as in my dreams and i will become more than anyone i know thinks i can ever be.

Love and Light

Kaitlin