Back Again

I have been spending a lot of time thinking lately. About where i want to be in the next few years, like what i want to have achieved. And to tell the absolute truth, I have no idea. I have lots of options, but nothing seems attainable. It like every think is just out of my reach. This might be because I am the type of person that like instantaneous gratification, or because i just cant see my self becoming more than i am.

I don't see how some one like me, who, all their life has been told that they are no more than mediocre, can become more than just another name in a phone book. I want to be recognized and known, but i don't know if i have the self esteem and or talent to get myself anywhere.

I was always 2nd or 3rd, and never as good as my brother. He is the prodigy child, the one every goes, WOW! about. I'm just average old me, trying my best but never achieving as high as he did. He never did anything that was so wrong that it out did what he was amazing at. Don't get me wrong I love him and all, but sometimes I wish that it was me people were in awe of. Or at least patting on the back.

But maybe one day i will be who i see my self as in my dreams and i will become more than anyone i know thinks i can ever be.

Love and Light

Kaitlin