Near Miss

I have been, in some eyes, very lucky this past week. I survived, first a car accident that my car, unfortunately didn't not survive. I then managed to survived my self. God himself only knows how. But to be honest I don't remember most of it. So I only have the words of others to trust, and trust is not something I am known to give easily. Even to family.
First you should know that what I am about to retell may be hard to read, let alone for me to write. I have been going to write about this all week, just to get it out of my system. But it is hard. You should also know that if you are experiencing anything like this, I urge you to get some help. I have been seeing professionals for the majority of my life, and it is worth getting help. I also have a formal diagnosis, so please do not go diagnosing your self by my words.
If you have read my older posts you will find that my past diagnosis include forms of personality disorders. Well my most recent diagnosis is that of another Personality disorder. This time the doctors have decided it is Borderline Personality Disorder. Which makes sense, but so do many things when you look at them objectively.
Anyway back to my original story. Monday evening, after a rather distressing day, in which I had to fork out money for towing of my car which I didn't not want. This happened because, according to the police, I ran off in the ambulance. And then a trip to the police station to present my licence as I had been asked to, I was told that no one had done this since 1981. Another officer told me that I would most likely lose my license.
So, as it would seem I had become quite upset by the whole situation. But I was proudly keeping my head. I was going to spend the night at my parents house, where my brother also lives, and my niece. I was trying my hardest just to understand what was happening in my life and I negected to speak to my mother as with the respect I should. My brother pulled me up on it and as I was already on edge I tried walking away as to not get too emotional. Him grabbing my shirt was the last thing I remember.
The next thing I know I was waking up in the intensive care unit. Three lines in my arms.
The worst part was, I was in bliss. A blissful nothing-ness. Where I had not a worry. But then to have that ripped from me, and to be returned to my own personal hell? It was all I could do to tell my mother to go home and get some sleep.
I was out of it for 2 days. The day I woke up, they sent me home. I have had to cope on my own for 2 nights. Now at my parents house again, I feel, well like it could all happen again. Its very early morning, and sleep will not come easily. As the doctors have taken me off my sleeping medication as that is what I overdosed on.
But I as i said, I am getting the help I need.

Love and Light

Poems - Untitled

Look at my hands
what a story they tell
How time has weathered
and aged  them well

And look at my wrists
a road map to life
With lines and scars
that are told by a knife

A look to my mind
now that can scare
Too see all the truths
and hurts laid bare

Mow look in my eyes
tell what you see
Am I more, or am I less
than you thought me to be?

~    ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~      ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~   

You turn to me
and in your eyes
I find a fate
I cant deny

the look you give
means more than words
but all I feel
is moving backwards

my heart says one thing
my head says another
but I am far too
scared to discover

THANK YOU

Thank you for your views!

I have been back and forth doing a few bits and pieces and then all of a sudden... 75!! For me that is amazing! Because here I was thinking that no one reads what I write!
I would love I real idea of what you all think so feel free to leave a comment, or send me a message or even follow me! I will write more as it is cathartic!

Also you may notice the picture on my post Love. Just if you are wondering, I took it!! I have gotten into photography now that I got a new camera, so I will update you with some more right....

...

NOW!

love

What is love?
Love is waking each morning to discover them all over again
Love is reveling in a simple kiss
Love is seeing the world in their eyes
Love is not perfect, you have to work hard to maintain it.
Love is a two way street, sometimes you have to give way for obstacles 
Love is wondering
Love is ever evolving